I've blown a few things in my day
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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