We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize