I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
