i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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