i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
