your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
