I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
