i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
accomplished twins. life is a go
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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