and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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