Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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