Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
