Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
