I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
