I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
