I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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