I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So much rum. So many feels.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
