Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
