Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
