I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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