He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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