You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So apparently I’m into choking now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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