he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
