with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
