Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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