dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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