so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
