Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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