I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
