your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she pinky promised me she was 18
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
