Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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