Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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