my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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