Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
