even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
