I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
