just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
