I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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