I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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