In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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