Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
