I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
