Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
