between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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