She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
