A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
