I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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