My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
