I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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