Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
