I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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