i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize