your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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