I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i need some magic done to my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
