I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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