Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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