why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
