I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
