who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Alive.
So much puke
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
