I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm at about main and main street
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
