I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
