What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The Olympian is in my bed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
