I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
