i was born a porn star she said
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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