i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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