This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
