U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
