I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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