life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize