You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
