I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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